THE IMPORTANCE OF PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLING (PART 2) – BIBLICAL INSTRUCTION ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

Dear Members in Christ,

The importance of pre-marital counselling (Part 2) – Biblical instruction about the marriage relationship    

In an earlier article, we dealt with the key issue as to why pre-marital counselling is important and necessary for couples intending to be joined in holy matrimony. Pre-marital counselling is a necessary part of preparation for a couple intending to get married. The reason is because marriage is instituted by God, and therefore the instruction on the theology of marriage has to come from God’s Word.

We understand that the Lord Jesus taught that marriage was instituted by God for our first parents Adam and Eve from the creation of the earth.

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female.” Matthew 19:4

Therefore, Christians are warned not to enter into marriage relationship frivolously. The pastor at a marriage solemnization service will declare that a couple must view matrimony with gravity and honour, and “therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly.” Instead, a Christian couple ought to enter into a marriage relationship “reverently, discreetly, soberly, and in the fear of God, duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained.”

The pre-marital counselling course is a necessity because it addresses both these issues. That is, firstly, pre-marital instruction is given to prevent couples from entering into a marriage relationship without proper regard, viewing the marriage relationship with the highest esteem as it is presented in God’s Word. Secondly, pre-marital counselling gives the couple the opportunity to learn about how to handle marital issues in a way that is scriptural, and thus, pleasing to God.

So, what are the key topics and issues which are covered in pre-marital counselling class? The following is a brief overview of the topics covered to prepare the couple for holy matrimony.

A. The pre-marriage counselling: pre-qualifying questions and the theology of marriage

Before the commencement of the pre-marital class, a pre-qualifying session is conducted in which certain questions are posed to the couple about their faith and background. As born again believers, every Christian must be able to make important decisions in their lives in accordance to God’s will. These questions are asked in order that there shall be no undiscovered impediments to the marriage.

I recall some years ago, I visited a mission station, and was invited to the home of a married couple. The missionary and myself were warmly welcomed, and we fellowshipped at this couple’s house. Years later, when I met the missionary again, I enquired about this family’s welfare. It turned out that they were not a married couple. It was shocking! I discovered that we had all been taken for a ride, and we had made a false assumption. It was revealed that both the “wife” and “husband” had separate families in their home village, and no one knew. This charade carried on for several years. The lesson I learned from this encounter was not to make any assumptions without first asking the appropriate question. The couple in question were living in sin and have not honoured their marriage relationships. The Bible teaches us that marriage is symbolic of the mystical union between Christ and the Church.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Ephesians 5:24, 25

Therefore, we must be serious about receiving scriptural instruction about marriage. The first two lessons of the pre-marital classes impress upon the couple that marriage “is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man’s innocence, signifying unto us the mystical union that is between Christ and His Church”. This is done so that they would be very clear that they are about to take a vow before God and men and it is vow which they have to honour and keep.

Beloved, this is our exhortation to every couple who knows that it is God’s will for them to enter into matrimony. That before all else, they prepare themselves by receiving instruction from God’s Word about holy matrimony.   

B. The charge for those entering into holy matrimony

The Solemnization of Holy Matrimony service is as its name suggests a solemn service. It is a service where God’s Name is exalted, and marriage vows are taken in the presence of God and the Congregation.

“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:5,6

The world shows a sad picture of marriage, with its high divorce rates. Marriage is not an on-off switch to be turned off at the whim and fancy of man. Thus, the Bible warns “let no man put asunder”, meaning put apart the marriage.

One of the declarations made by the pastor in the solemnization service is, “Therefore if any man shew any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.” Thus, any impediments, any hindrances have to be addressed before a couple can rightfully proceed for holy matrimony. This is an important responsibility of the church.

Beloved, let us honour holy matrimony, a union which God had instituted. Let us be mindful of the importance of scriptural instruction in pre-marital counselling. May the Lord Jesus strengthen His church. Amen.

In His Service,
Rev. Lim Seh Beng, Pastor