THE IMPORTANCE OF PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLING (PART 1) – THE THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE

Dear Members in Christ,

The importance of pre-marital counselling (Part 1) – The theology of marriage  

Some time ago, I preached a sermon about the institution of marriage. Since then, my heart has been burdened by the necessity of “pre-marital counselling.” Pre-marital counselling is a necessary part of preparation for a couple intending to get married. The Bible gives us clear instructions about the institution of marriage. Firstly, marriage is instituted by God. Therefore, a couple contemplating marriage must be sure about the theology of marriage. i.e. they must be well-versed about what the Bible teaches about marriage. The best source of teaching about marriage comes from the words of our Lord Jesus. This is a clear teaching that the institution of marriage is made by God, it is not an invention by man neither must it be viewed as a matter of social formality. When the Pharisees tempted the Lord Jesus Christ, He rebutted them by stating clearly to them that God institutes marriage between a man and wife.

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” Matthew 19:4,5

Firstly, marriage was instituted from creation. Thus, the Lord Jesus says that marriage was instituted “at the beginning”. From the creation of the heavens and the earth, when there was just Adam and Eve, God made them a married couple. Now the phrase “cleave to his wife” makes it clear that God made man and woman a couple i.e. “man and wife.” This doctrine is stated at the solemnization of holy matrimony when the minister declares,   

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which … is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man’s innocence, signifying unto us the mystical union that is between Christ and His Church…”

A. Marriage is an institution made by God – therefore it is to be highly esteemed and honoured

The understanding that marriage is instituted by God, causes us as Christians to know that the marriage relationship is not to be entered into lightly. The pastor of the church (or in his absence, an elder) is responsible for ensuring that a couple intending to enter into a marriage relationship knows the biblical teaching concerning marriage. Therefore, pre-marital counselling is a necessity. It must not be viewed as a mere “formality” or a process to “tick the box” so to speak.

The solemnization declaration by the minister emphasizes that the marriage relationship is an “honourable estate” and it has a spiritual significance for it is symbolic of the union between Christ and the Church. We find this symbolism revealed in the Bible verse exhorting husbands to love their wives as Christ loved His church. 

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Ephesians 5:25

In this short article, we can only briefly go over the outline of the theology of marriage. The Pre-marital counselling class allocates two whole lessons to the theology of marriage, instructing the couple on the biblical teaching about marriage, the significance, and the God-honouring approach to marriage relationship. 

Dearly beloved, this is our exhortation that if a couple knows it is God’s will for them to enter into a marriage relationship, they must undergo pre-marital counselling. In this way, by approaching prayerfully and equipped with knowledge from God’s Word, they can prepare for their journey as man and wife – for the service and glory of God.

B. Marriage is an institution made by God, therefore we must seek God’s Word for guidance 

In the minister’s declaration at the solemnization, it will also be proclaimed that the marriage relationship is a “Holy estate Christ adorned and blessed with His presence, and first miracle that He wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is honourable among all men; And therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, but reverently, discreetly, soberly, and in the fear of God, duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained.”

Matrimony is not to be entered into “unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly,” and God’s Word gives us instruction that marriage is not to be tampered by man or to be disannulled at man’s whim or fancy. The Bible in Matthew 19:6b says, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Entering into a marriage relationship is a matter not to be entered into frivolously. It is sad that in many so-called advanced nations divorce have been on the rise. The last time I checked, divorce rates are as high as 50% in some western nations. Obviously, in these so-called “Christian nations” marriage is no longer viewed seriously.

Dearly beloved, let us not go the way of the world. I address this to couples, if you know it is God’s will for you to enter into holy matrimony, and I address the parents as well, if your sons or daughters are preparing for marriage, do not neglect pre-marital counselling. The first step towards pleasing God is to know His Word and abide by His commandments. Pre-marital counselling prepares the couple for holy matrimony by teaching them what the Word of God commands about the marital relationship. May God bless His people. Amen. 

To be continued…

In His Service,
Rev. Lim Seh Beng, Pastor